How are you?

I think I’ve been asked this question a million times in the last three days.

How are you…

Okay, maybe that’s hyperbole.  I haven’t been asked a million times.  But more than a handful, and each time I want to give an honest answer.  Each time I am asked in the context of community, and I try to hear the subtext, “I care about you and want to know you more.”

I thought about posting about how much I like community, how complex, rich, and frightening it is; I thought about posting about how much I hate Valentine’s Day but am trying not to; I thought about posting more about God’s timing and how it’s not about me…but I have settled on the simple three word question:

How are you?

The question overwhelms me.  It always has, for it’s complexity and depth asked so often in brief encounters.  But I always want to know, when I ask, and I want to be known.  So I try to find short answers to a long question.

I am busy.  I am richly blessed.  I am seeing God move.  But mostly, I am desperate for God.

I am desperate for God to come and teach me His “unforced rhythm of grace”.  I am desperate for His presence to comfort me.  I need for Him to come in all my relationships and teach me how to live.  I need Him to interpret for me this list of personal failings my heart will not let go.  I am desperate to see God move in the lives of my friends, everywhere I look. I feel the ebb and flow of joy and sorrow among the people I love…financial, physical, spiritual, emotional, relational needs…some are met, some are waiting.    Some are big, some seem small, but all of them, every single one, is held by Heaven.  I am desperate for Him to find us here.  I am desperate for Him to pull me out of the bitterness I am wrestling with, for Him to speak somehow into the questions and the silences I keep, for Him to interrupt and…well…interrupt.  I just…want…Him.

And so I end each day grateful.  Grateful for the longing, grateful for His presence which is so near, grateful for His faithfulness, grateful that in the longing there is hope.

And that is how I am.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Diane Fuller
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 04:17:22

    Beth–
    I have been where you are at–and have read the books to encourage me in my singleness to be drawn closer to God, at the same time desiring to be married. I was 30 when I married Roger, and am so thankful for him. The wait wasn’t easy, but God gave me so many special friends to bond with and I accompanied several choirs–both church and college choirs!! I don’t view my singleness as a wasted time until I was married. I will be praying for you. “Unforced rhythm of grace”–Matthew 11:28-30 Message Bible–this is what I read in my Biblestudy that I am in “Becoming a Woman of Simplicity” by Cynthia Heald. Abiding in Christ is not an activity–it’s a lifestyle. It is reordering my whole perspective on life so that my sole purpose is to live simply and purely in devotion to the Lord. It is letting the Lord be my Shepherd who leads me along right paths. It is seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness. It is being still and waiting patiently for the Lord by spending special time with Him, sitting at His feet, and reading His Word. Abiding allows the Lord to bring interesting people, worthy activities, and valuable things into my life in the right way, at the right time, and for His purpose. Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I am prompted to prune activities and eliminate hindrances that would draw me away from Christ. Seek this intimacy with our Lord. It is not easy to wait on the Lord–Roger has been without work since October–he has been applying for jobs, but no offers yet. This is a big step of faith to wait for God to move. He still provides for ALL of our NEEDS–not always our wants. I am so thankful for where God has you right now. Thank you for sharing your heart. I love you with the Love of Our Lord.

    Reply

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