Raindrops in the Ocean

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the desert, and speak tenderly to her.

God is speaking to the prophet Hosea about the people of Israel. Between their time in Egypt and arrival in the promised land, the Israelites had wandered in the desert and lived on manna from Heaven. In that context, the wilderness was a place of complete dependence on God.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her on a road trip, and speak tenderly to her.

Nothing heralds the start of summer like 12 hours on the open road, two round trips from the coast to the valley, culminating in a starlit return. The last couple weeks of the school year over extended me, and it must have been months ago I became a hurried person. Hurried people hurry people, you know.

Somewhere between Monday and Friday, Newton’s first law of motion sent everything crashing around me. The burdens I had been packing for a semester came down on my head. My dogged fear am-I-doing-something-wrong? stirred around with perfectionism and a fear of failure. My realization that I cannot justify myself only gave way to the insatiable need for approval I am sure we must all face from time to time. I know my approval comes from God, but I could not remember how to find my way back.

A dear friend reminded me that He who supplies all our needs is the One who is able. It’s not up to me, and it never was. If we don’t quit we win. I began to remember, with great relief, that it’s not about me. It’s not about my strength, neither is it about my weakness. I do not have to prove anything because I am not here to be approved. I am here to love.

I thought I needed a week strait of sleeping, but I was wrong. I needed to remember my priorities, like the importance of ribbons in a girl’s hair, or the independence of a young man with new wheels. I needed to sit in the presence of true greatness, like the strength of my friend who cares for her mother and grieves her daughter and keeps company with Peace. I needed to be among people who care like I do and build their plans on hope. I needed to plan. I needed to hope.

A funny thing happened on Friday on a visit to the zoo. As I stood there in the in the valley heat looking at the sea lions and watching tiny waves crash against landscaped rocks, I remembered the ocean. I remembered that I love to watch the ocean roll. Sometimes you need to drive 450 miles to remember you live 3 miles from the beach. Sometimes you need to drive in the desert at night to see the stars.