Heart of My Heart

God Card from 2/9/10

 Not to skip over Groundhog Day or anything, but candy hearts are about to take over the universe.  Valentine’s Day is coming, and I think it is time for my annual post on singleness.  Whilst perusing my old Google Docs, I found a prayer that Kirsten over at Wild Oak Stream shared with me years ago.  I think someone shared it with her years before that, and I wish we knew who to credit.  In any case, this prayer captures the heart of …well, my heart.




You say that if I delight myself in you, if I enjoy you and seek your pleasure above mine, you will give me the desires of my heart. (Ps. 37:4) Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish. Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4).

In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would release the husband- a suitable partner- that you have chosen for me. Because the Covenant of marriage is sacred, I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is outmatched only by his love for God. A man who will cherish me and build my character (Pr. 31:28). A man who will honor me (1 Pt. 3:7) and our marriage and vows. A man who I will connect and bond with physically, emotionally and spiritually. A man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). Restrain me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that is second best. I will not compromise my hope and trust in you, the plans and hopes you have for me or your timing for something that is convenient or that feeds my insecurities.

Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, please please please confirm it to me. Release me from baggage of past relationships (and just the past) and prepare me for the man you have chosen to be my husband. Align our hearts and align our callings in life. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and Godly marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you, rather than my partner.

In this period of waiting, I look to you still as my companion and leader and closest friend.  You are the one who brought me from death to life. You redeemed my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with Godly things (Ps. 103:4-5).

I give you my anxiousness as I present my requests to you; flood me with peace that passes all understanding so that my heart and mind are guarded in Christ Jesus (Phip 4:6-7).  In this request I submit myself to you, to trust you and do good, to dwell in your land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my worry to you and trust that you will bring it to pass (Ps. 37).

With all my heart,


God’s Timing (MerryChristmasHappyNewYear)

The Undoing Steffany Gretzinger (Frizzell)

This was my playlist over the summer, and I recently rediscovered the album.  Appropriate.  And comforting as I move into another season of…wait for it…waiting.

Even though I’m a couple weeks late, I’d like to share my Christmas message about God’s timing…God chose a man to become a family to become a nation that would be His people and bear Messiah into the world.

400 years of slavery, and still God waited.

40 years in the wilderness, God waited.

400 years claiming the promised land or rather letting it claim them, worshipping false gods and repenting, ruled by judges, still God waited.

400 years of Kings.  God waits.

200 years of exile and return and restoration.

400 years of silence.

Finally, at the fullness of time, Messiah came.

God’s timing is perfect.  And sometimes perfectly confusing because as far away as the stars, that’s how much smarter He is than us.

Recently we have been studying Pentecost, and I am again touched by God’s people in the waiting.

Jesus spent 30 years growing up.  3 years in ministry. 3 days in the grave.

40 days the resurrected Jesus walked with his friends, ate with them, helped them to see, believe, and understand the resurrection.  And then he went into the sky.

He left them with lots of instructions, but one directive for the moment.


Wait here for the promise of God.  Wait for the comforter.  Wait for the power.  This is going to be better than ME.

What must have those 10 days been like for them, staring at the sky?  Could they have known what He meant when He said they would do everything He did and more?  Could their aching hearts be comforted in the waiting when the gift of the Holy Spirit was not yet manifest on the earth?  Could their clay hearts endure all the emotions of six week’s time: the confusion and dark hope of the Passover that year, the deep pain of the crucifixion and it’s waiting, the 40 days with their resurrected Lord and his exhortation to go to the ends of the earth, but first, wait.

10 days they waited, and then at the festival of the harvest, Holy Spirit came.  We have never been the same.  The same Spirit which raised Christ from the dead now dwells in every believer.  Roughly 1840 years waiting on the promised Messiah.  10 days waiting on another promise, and the entire world changed.

Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:7

Wait: wə·hiṯ·ḥō·w·lêl

It’s my favorite word in any language ever.  “Chuwl“…to bear.  To whirl, to dance, to writhe in pain; to be in anguish, in anxious longing; to travail, birth, bring forth; to be brought forth, to be born; to be tormented; to wait; to hope.

Rest: dō·wm

It means to fall.  Fall into God.

It’s the only way to survive the waiting.

It literally means to die, faint, go completely limp.  It has the connotation of a trust fall.  You have to let go of everything, fall without looking, and trust that He will catch you.

I don’t always.  I have to talk myself into it…into trusting Him.  I have to remember and declare His faithfulness.  Only then can I let go of my presuppositions and control and truly fall into Him.

We can trust Him.

דֹּ֤ום ׀ לַיהוָה֮ וְהִתְחֹ֪ולֵ֫ל

An Artful New Year

From time to time I make three cards. This is a spiritual discipline involving laying down control and allowing yourself  to stay in the question. 
First you write three questions, one on each card. One question is for God; one question is for your heart; one question is for God and your heart.

Then you shuffle the cards, question side down, and tape them to your tray.

Next is the color which you add to each card. 

  While the paint dries, you choose magazine pictures, words, and other clippings. You’re looking for things that draw a strong emotional response.

Finally you create a collage on each card. When you are finished, you may look at the questions. It never ceases to amaze me how insightful this time could be for me and how God speaks through this activity.

I’m thinking I may do this the next few weeks to start out the new year. Other people are fasting, and this just seems to be the direction that God is taking me for the first three weeks of 2016.

 Thank you Tara at Anam Cara for introducing me to this discipline many years ago!